I have spent the better part of my 37 years running away and reinventing myself trying to find some lasting peace. I love and pray for the family that I came from, and mean them no disrespect, so I am leaving out details. I left home at 13, stayed in foster care for a very short period of time before I ran away and began a life that led me down a destructive road.

I knew about God, and I was so angry with Him. I was going to do whatever I pleased and no one was going to tell me differently. That attitude took me from being a victim to hurting others with my complete and utter lack of emotion or concern for their feelings. I traveled the world, staying as busy as I possibly could, never finding a lasting peace and unable to escape the growing anxiety that was a product of guilt.

I was a terrible wife and an even worse mother. Marriage didn’t fix me, rehab didn’t fix me, college and the Army didn’t fix me. I even started over in a new state, was a stay at home Mom, and a member of a church. Pretending I was perfect was even worse. I was so afraid people would find out who I really was. My fear was a self fulfilling prophecy – everything came out. I lost it all! My nice house, kids, spouse, even my driver’s license. I had nothing again! I came from nothing, had nothing and I was mad at the world.

I am so glad that God stepped in to finish writing the rest of my life story. I became born again February 3, 2008. Hey, stop rolling your eyes and thinking things got all religious! Religion and going to church never got me anything or anywhere. I really reached a place where I wanted to know if God was really real, because if he wasn’t I was sick of being somewhat good..what was the point? He didn’t fix me, He made me new. I have a wonderful husband, family and friends. I can feel again and can connect. I don’t freak out about being left alone with my thoughts. I have peace with my ex-husbands, and my children are happy and whole. I don’t live in fear anymore. I don’t live in a pink cloud world with unicorns, but I am not alone. I just want you to know, you are never too far gone for God. there really is hope – his name is Jesus!

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